Proverbs for a Wedding Planner
Advice on creating an organized and cost efficient wedding day
by heather hornbeak
Prologue
Proverbs for a wedding planner content was developed from a series of weddings I have photographed the past few years. As I met with future brides, grooms, bride’s moms, families, friends, I have given countless advice from flowers to coordinators. I thought to myself one day, “I should write all of this down sometime!” As a photographer, I am the only person, including the wedding party and family, that is with the bride the entire day. I’ve seen my fair share of disasters as well as beautifully orchestrated events. I’ve been to heavy mula weddings that are terribly ugly down to little churches in the country that are amazing!
The Venue
Ahh, the venue. When it comes to the general aesthetic of your wedding, where it takes place is the most important part. If you are going to splurge on anything, splurge here. If you are looking to save some money, choose a venue that is beautiful without decorating. We had our ceremony outside under a tent behind in an old civil war home that was turned into a restaurant where the reception was held. We didn’t have to rent tables, chairs, linens, glasses, etc. And the restaurant was decorated so nicely, we just put a small candle on each table. It saved us so much time and money that we were able to spend on other things!
As a photographer, I’ve had some really bad lighting conditions. No one looks good under fluorescent lighting. Pick a place that has some good natural lighting or bright spotlights.
Venues and other wedding services love weekday weddings. If it could be an option for you, ask them if they would consider giving you a discount for a weekday.
Having the ceremony and the reception at the same place is a good idea. If it isn’t an option for you, make sure you have a card with well written directions and even a map. Designate someone to pass the cards out after the ceremony or include it in the program.
Outdoor weddings are so beautiful. If you are planning an outdoor wedding, have a back up plan if it rains. Also, make sure you rent some really nice chairs. Having crappy K-Mart chairs can make it look cheap and unintentional.
Coordinators
Coordinators are so beneficial. They can really make or break a good wedding day experience. If you don’t have a good one, it would be better not to have one at all. If you can’t afford a coordinator, ask a friend if they would help and take them out to eat or something before the wedding day so they know they are appreciated. Plus it will give you a chance to talk about the wedding. Finding a good coordinator is very very hard to come by. Over the years, I’ve only met two coordinators that I was impressed by at all. I’ve been to weddings where they have disappeared, yelled at everyone, made the bride cry, or just didn’t do anything at all. Most coordinators aren’t required to have any type of license, insurance, equipment…nothing. It is pretty easy to slap their name on a card to start their business. Make sure you choose someone that you can relate with. That person will be making decisions on your behalf, so find someone that you think will make the same decisions you would make yourself.
Make sure the coordinator has a schedule of what is going on
Out of town guests
If a lot of your guests are out of town and unfamiliar with the area your ceremony and reception is, more than likely, someone is going to get lost. The last thing you want is 30 minutes before you walk down the aisle, your Uncle Joe is calling you asking you for directions. Consider designating a friend who is good with the area and directions and is not in the wedding party to provide their cell phone number anywhere directions are written. They can call them instead of you. Also, practice your fwd call option on your cell phone so if someone does call directly, you can forward the call to your friend.
Invitations
Use your friends’ talents. Wedding services are expensive. Your friends can help with that expense. Say your sister’s boyfriend is a really talented graphic design major in college. Instead of dropping 1k on wedding invitations, consider having him design them and give him money for printing. With him being a graphic designer, he probably knows some good places for printing and nice paper to print them on. Now that you’ve saved so much, tip him! Even include his name on the invitations for props. It will give him some grocery money plus add another piece to his portfolio. Who knows, he may even be able to turn it in as a project! Your invitations will probably look better than you expected and it will be extra personal.
Postage is a big money sucker. For save the date cards, consider postcards instead. It will almost cut your postage bill in half!
Speaking of postcards, if you want to go extra cheap on invitations, make a fun video of the two of you or a slideshow of baby photos with the invitation info included. Then send postcards with a URL address that will direct your guests to the video hosted on your website or on a Google blogspot. It will be very creative and inexpensive. You can even attach a jpeg version of the postcard in an email and send it to your friends and family. Then send postcards to people who don’t have email addresses.
Really Saving some Money
Trading used to be very common in the old days. It is still a good idea! If you are an accountant, ask your Aunt Sue if she will tailor your dress, you will do her next year’s taxes for her!
Weddings are fun, memorable and important but for some of us, they are just an expected. Some people drop $100k on their big day! The wedding day is critical, but what is more important is the marriage. I had a client who decided to spend their 20k on a down payment for their first house. Instead they took a trip to Vegas for a weekend, had some professional, casual, fun photos of both of them done and were married at a chapel. When they arrived home, they had a party at their house to celebrate both their marriage and their new home! This isn’t encouragement to elope, just a thought that the big day doesn’t have to be so big. Invest in your marriage as well as the wedding day!
Photographers
Ok, so you should hire me to do your photography of course! No, just kidding. This is of course my area of extra expertise. Your photographer is going to be with you the entire day or at least during the most important parts of the wedding. It is important that you relate with them and they have a good personality.
Find a style that you really love and go with a photographer that is consistent with that style. If you like a more modern, photojournalistic style, go with someone who can tell a story with their photos rather than a bunch of posed shots. Although it is important that you have a few organized shots of your family and wedding party as well. Ask them how they organize posed shots. Most of us have our own routine for posed pictures.
If you are having your wedding indoors and there is a great spot outside for photos, the lighting will look so much better. Ask your photographer to take your posed shots outside. For big group shots, the flash cannot go as far as the sunlight will go, so we have to rely on spotlights and partially on the flash. The spotlights sometimes give raccoon eyes if they are shinning directly down on you. The same goes for the sun, so if you are having your wedding at noon, take your photos in the shade.
Ask your photographer if you are able to keep a disc of your photos in hi-res. A lot of photographers don’t let you keep your photos so you have to order prints at $5+ each after the wedding.
If you have a really tight budget for photography, go with a photographer that offers packages by the hour. My lowest package is 3 hours. Have the photographer arrive during the most important part of the wedding and have a friend take photos of the rest. During the reception, there is a lot of down time for the photographer because you can only take so many photos of people eating and dancing. I have had friends do that and they generally tell me they like the photos their friends take almost better than the photographers! Some photographers just aren’t as talented at capturing the moments.
Following the ceremony, just expect that everyone will not be where they are suppose to be. You can hire the most amazing photographer ever and you will still miss some posed shots that you wanted simply because your family isn’t available when they are suppose to be. It isn’t their fault! If they aren’t told to be somewhere more than likely they won’t be there. Ask the minister to make an announcement for all the wedding party and family to stick around for photos before everyone is dismissed from the ceremony. Otherwise, Grandma will be slowly on her way to eat some cake, the flower girl will be running around playing hide and seek and your wedding party will be scattered all over the place.
Posed shots are important, but you didn’t get married so you could take pictures! Don’t let your guests wait forever for you while you are taking photos. Ask the photographer to take no longer than 30 minutes for pictures. Plan on keeping your guests entertained by letting them go ahead and eat, provide an appetizer, have a slideshow playing or something to keep them interested while they are waiting for you.
Flowers
Go with the season. There are some flowers that only come out during certain months. For instance, peonies only come out in May/June, so they are a unique, beautiful option for that time of year.
Flowers like roses and daises are always available. Most grocery stores and supermarkets carry roses all year. If you would like something simple, ask a friend to pick them up the morning of your wedding and put them together for you. It is easier than you’d think. Beforehand, go to a fabric store and pick out a wide ribbon that will match your dresses and your flowers and some pearl pins to attach the ribbon around the flowers.
I know when I say the word “carnation” the first thing you’ll think of is middle school dance, but trust me, they can be really stunning if you know how to use them. Carnations are generally very inexpensive. Buy a ton of them, snip off the stems, bunch them all together tightly with a thick ribbon or rubber band and place them in a nice vase hiding the stems or use as bouquets. Once they are all together it is sort of an illusion because you can’t see each flower separately. They almost look like peonies when they are together. If you like a simple, unique look, it’s the way to go.
DJs
No offense to DJs, but I really don’t think DJ’s do too much. The most valuable part of their business they have to offer is their sound equipment. So if you do have a DJ, make sure they have great speakers especially. Other than that, they only other thing they do is change songs on their iPods and announce when the cake is being cut. If you have a connection to some good speakers, wires (so you can place the speakers away from each other), an iPod with your personal playlist and a microphone, that is all you need. Of course you will need someone to bring these items to the reception so remember to organize transportation. As for the microphone, pick someone you know that likes to be the center of attention, who is funny, charismatic and respectful. They will “own” that microphone. Your guests are going to want to know what’s going on and also be somewhat entertained. Your coordinator will make sure they are aware of what is going on so they can be an announcer.
Rehearsal
Some people get upset when the minister isn’t at the rehearsal. I have rarely ever seen the minister at a rehearsal. More than likely, the minister has conducted dozens of weddings and knows what to do, so don’t be alarmed if they aren’t there.
Writing out a schedule for your wedding party and family is so helpful for everyone. Even if it is handwritten and xeroxed. Include time and place for the rehearsal dinner, rehearsal, what time it will be over, when to be at the ceremony site, when to pick up tuxes, when they are due back, bridal luncheon, where and when for before pictures, line up for the ceremony, where to go after the ceremony, after photos, toast, and more. Be detailed. Remember if you are planning the wedding, you are the only person that knows what’s going on unless you tell people. Organize methods of telling people all at once so you aren’t answering the same question over and over.
For most weddings, the groom’s parents plan the rehearsal dinner. For groom’s parent’s that are out of town, it will be hard for them to find a good place to have the dinner, so help them out along with considering their personality, taste and budget. It’s your wedding, but they are paying for it!
The Wedding Party & Family
Your friends and family in your wedding party are going to be the most helpful to you on your wedding day. Some of them have not only gotten you a $50 gift, but have dropped hundreds of dollars on airline tickets, gotten a dog sitter, paid for taxis, rental cars and taken off work so they can be there for your big day. So for crying out loud, be considerate! Just because they aren’t terribly helpful doesn’t mean they haven’t sacrificed for you. Make sure they feel appreciated. And you don’t have to have money to appreciate someone always.
Your wedding party will be very helpful, but make sure one person doesn’t hold the entire load. Especially your mom. Little things add up and when your mom is in charge of so many little things it will get overwhelming for her. Write out a list of things she is in charge of that day and include 3 blanks on that list, because things will come up that you don’t expect. Make sure that list isn’t too long and if it is, pass along the responsibilities to someone else.
The most exciting day for you will be your wedding day, but another very exciting day for you will be your daughters wedding day if you have a daughter. I know your mom will want to do so many things that you don’t like, but let her win a few.
Communication
I joke with my friends that I can predict a disaster wedding. And unfortunately for those brides’s I’m almost always right. One evidence that becomes obvious is when someone else besides a wedding planner or bride is planning the wedding and there is lack of communication between each of the family members. If you aren’t planning the wedding or even if your mom is charge of one or two aspects of the wedding, make sure everyone knows what’s going on.
When you are planning your own wedding, there are a lot of decisions to be made and a lot of systems to make decisions on. You are the primary person for information. One of the biggest reasons why bride’s get stressed out the day of the wedding is because everyone is asking her a million questions. Find a method that will transfer everything you know to someone else or in written form. Having someone that knows the majority of what is going on with you will help. Even email all of your groomsmen, bridesmaids, and family information they will need for the wedding and encourage them to print it off. Include info like where the bouquets will be, hotel reservations, transportation to the reception, who is bringing what makeup, hair appointment times, tuxedo location pick up, who needs to be prepared to make a speech for the toast, where they can have their dresses tailored, jewelry, shoes, hair products, nails, bridal luncheons, bachelor parties and bachelorette parties. A lot of little things add up!
No one wants to be “Bridezilla”. For some brides, they get a little extreme with being laid back about everything. People want to be told what to do sometimes. Say your bridesmaids want to know what shoes they are suppose to wear and you respond, “Oh, whatever you want to wear!” For some of your girlfriends, they will be like, “Sweet!” But for others they will be at Dillard’s for 3 hours trying to decide what shoes to buy. Being directional doesn’t mean you are being bossy.
The Dress
The most beautiful wedding dresses I’ve seen have been extremely simple. My dress was made by my mom who has been sewing since she was a teenager, so I had no hesitation that it would be made perfectly. Because my mom made my dress, we were able to get one of the most elegant fabrics, Antique white Italian Dupioni silk. It was beautiful! Wedding dresses are a big chunk of your budget. It is also a very big aspect of your wedding day. “You should have seen her dress, it was gorgeous!” your grandmother will say. It can be less expensive to have your wedding dress made by a seamstress that you know, but it is very important to know that your seamstress is highly recommended. Make sure they know what they are doing! Since my mom was making the dress, I still wanted to try some on to see what look looked the best on me. It didn’t matter what the price tag said, so we went to these fancy wedding dress stores we could find! It was so much fun!
Your veil is also an investment. If you saw the material costs for making your veil, you would feel very taken advantage of. It is crazy! The fabric used to make the netting part of your veil costs…are you ready? A grand one-dollar a yard! At the most, some of them invest $20 for materials and charge $200-$300! So for crying out loud, have someone you know make it for you! Heck, have two or three made!
If you are planning on doing bridal portraits, don’t worry about your dress getting dirty. Unless you are smearing yourself with car grease, it will wash out. Find a dry cleaner that specializes in cleaning wedding dresses. It will run you about $75-$100 to have it professionally cleaned.
Tuxes
I know this advice seems really basic, but remember to go to the tuxedo rental shop and pick out your tuxes, shoes, etc. before you ask your groomsmen to get sized.
Tuxedo rental will run you about $100 each for each groomsman. Target has a nice selection of suits that will cost you the same, but they will actually be able to keep the suit!
The groom will have to return any tuxedo rental a day or so after the wedding just like everyone else. Be sure to coordinate how it will get back to the tuxedo shop.
Honeymoon
This was my favorite part of my wedding! Generally the rule of thumb is the couple pays for their honeymoon. Although there can be some negotiation with the parents if they are paying for the wedding. The number of guests at your wedding can double your wedding budget. Give the parents (or whoever is paying for the wedding) the option of cutting the guest list in half (without cutting all of their friends and family out of the list) in trade for them paying for your honeymoon! It could save them $2,500 and your honeymoon only is $2,000, so both of you benefit. More than likely, buying airline tickets, picking out hotels and resorts is a lot more fun and ordering extra chairs, food, etc.
If you only have $1k to spend on a honeymoon, don’t spend every bit of it on airline and hotel. Then you won’t be able to do anything when you get there! I had some friends drive to a nice cabin in the mountains and spend the rest of their money on eating at fancy restaurants, going to shows, and shopping.
Airline tickets are the least expensive on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Consider staying at home a few days before leaving for your honeymoon. You will probably have a lot of gifts waiting to be unwrapped anyways!
